Primary Decomposition

Life in intersections

Because there have to be different words you can use

This is something that has grown out of my contemplating (again) writing an asexuality 101 post for Feministing (three months after the fact but trust me you do not want to see what my first attempts looked like), and thinking about how I would definitely, definitely add a section on the end a la “what I would like you, the reader, to do” (because 101 is basically providing a free education and I’ll be damned if I can’t ask for at least some minor changes in return), and wondering what I would put into it-

And the very first thing that comes to my mind is this:

Stop using the word “asexual” as a negative.

Part of me cringes at phrasing it this boldly, tells me that I should understand), that things like talking about the way disabled women or older women or fat women or the like are constructed as “asexual” are part of mainstream feminist thought and have been since before our movement existed (although *we* still existed, isolated and alone and feeling broken and inventing our own words for ourselves because no one would give us any-) and, you know, who am I to come along and point at this body of work and go “actually, I find this offensive?”

Another part of me goes – but, well, it is offensive. And it hurts.

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August 21, 2009 Posted by | asexuality, Uncategorized | | 6 Comments

Decision making 101

This post was inspired by a line from amandaw’s post here, but is really only tangentially related to it if at all. All the same, read that post; it’s amazing and powerful and something that needs to be heard.

The line in question was was this: I don’t know what else to say but that the diagram showed the inner workings of a mind that works in a completely different way. It wasn’t nonsense. It had logic to it, but it was its own logic — not the logic most of you are used to using. It got me thinking about my experience as someone who’d say that her mind also works in a different way and her internal sense of logic is also somewhat off from what’s expected, even if not the way amandaw is talking about – and what the world has taught me about it.


A few weeks ago, I played a game of DnD with a friend.

Background for me and roleplaying games. As a teenager, I’d always really wanted to RP (this probably connected to my brother’s fondness for it and my hero-worship for him), but only found a group for a short while before I went off to university. My first year, I joined the university roleplaying society and had great hopes of actually being able to play properly and with people my own age. Unfortunately, it was there that I met the guy with whom I had my first (and hopefully last) sexual encounter, which was sufficiently traumatic that I spent the next four years avoiding him and anything to do with him. Including the society.

I hadn’t played since, and was as a result very much looking forward to this game.

It was torture.

You see, I had to make decisions.


This is what twenty-odd years of life with a mind that works differently has taught me:

Your own internal sense of logic is not valid. Decisions you make that are based on it are usually wrong – no, not even wrong, they’re *absurd*. If they are not, it was sheer luck that led you to an acceptable conclusion. Therefore, you cannot rely on your own instincts, arguments or thoughts when you need to make a decision. You must always base it on what other people, *normal* people, do and say. If you do not, expect to be mocked and attacked for it, expect people to shake their heads and tut about how you could do something so utterly stupid, have you no common sense?


I suppose you could describe this post as an argument against the concept of common sense.
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August 11, 2009 Posted by | disability | , | 1 Comment